Nowadays we are all exposed to a gargantuan amount of sex over the media. Even daytime television may provide exposure to young children by the thoughtless planning of programmers and there is often coverage on television-advertising with sexual innuendos. The same goes for magazines, newspapers, the Internet, conversations, jokes and sexually provocative clothing. Sex sells and the marketing media are well aware of this fact.

When it comes to dating, you will find yourself facing the option to have sex or not. Plan ahead. Think seriously about the implications before the time – not whilst in the throes of desire, strong feelings and even someone trying to force their desires onto you.

Let us start with one of the most important rules of dating. Don’t drink on dates. It lowers inhibitions remarkably. It can even increase desire and destroy all your carefully designed plans to remain a virgin. It happens so insidiously you may not even recognize the effect those drinks had on you until your head clears again (possibly only the next day).

Bringing sex into dating means that absolutely everything about your boyfriend/girlfriend relationship will alter drastically. How? You may be asking. Arm yourself with a few pertinent facts:

1. Your feelings for one another will undergo a complete transformation. As a girl, you become much more loving, dedicated and affectionate. Subconsciously, you feel that you have given a part of yourself away. Drawn closer to your boyfriend after sex, you will probably tell him that you love him. You will feel a need to be with your boyfriend all the time, perhaps inundating him with love letters, phoning, e-mailing and sending text messages frequently. You will feel that your boyfriend almost ‘belongs’ to you through this huge explosion of commitment (as you see it). Your boyfriend, however, does not feel the same way at all. Being a male, he may feel overwhelmed and perceive your new behavior as clingy, dominating and claustrophobic. As a guy, he probably will not feel that he has given anything of himself away, but had a good time which he may or may not wish to repeat with you. Teenage guys have a huge sex drive. Abstaining can be extremely difficult for them.

2. When you have had sex you may feel “different” from your friends who have not indulged in intercourse. Your boyfriend could even find himself being pressured for the personal details of the encounter/s and if you have fallen for a “not so nice” guy, may even boast about his “conquest”. You won’t want this to be the topic of your friends’ conversations. You as a girl, may find that you even drop friends who are still virgins feeling you are now more ‘mature’ than they are and have little left in common with them.

3. Having sex increases risks tremendously for both of you. Contraception (if it is being used) can be unsuccessful. Condoms can break, the birth control pill can fail either from being on the first cycle of pills or having had a course of antibiotics – thereby rendering the pill less effective, even useless. With graduation far in the offing, even having indulged in only one sexual encounter can find you both with an unwanted teenage pregnancy. There are only three options open to a pregnant teen and they are all difficult calls to make:

(a) Adoption.

(b) Abortion.

(c) Keeping the child.

You can both try to imagine how difficult each one of these options are, but until you’re actually walking in the shoes of a pregnant teen (or boyfriend of a pregnant teen), you will never fully realize just how intricately difficult each one of these decisions are and what life-lasting consequences they carry – not only for you and your partner but for your respective families and most importantly, the baby. Not one of them is ideal.

4. STD’s (Sexually Transmitted Diseases) are another factor to consider when thinking of bringing sex into any relationship. One out of five people suffers from or is a silent carrier of an STD. Some STD’s are incurable and others create such strain on a couple that they may break up after finding out about them. This is something you need to take into serious consideration as an STD such as AIDS can be dangerously life-threatening.

5. There are ruthless guys (hopefully in the minority) who will try to pressurize you into having sex. The infamous words are “If you really love me, you will give in to me”. You are made to feel guilty and even though you may agonize about your decision, you could very well submit to him if you are not forewarned about this cruel and selfish tactic. Afterwards, you may find to your mortification that sex was all this particular guy was after, and not you at all. You are left to pick up the pieces and chances are you will no longer figure in his life at all, perhaps to the point of his not even acknowledging your presence in company.

To conclude, having sex with a guy will not make him care any more for you than if he had not. In fact, he may even lose total respect for you and see you as “easy”. Teenage sex is complicated. Teenage males are often at the mercy of their enormous sex drive and really need your help as their date. You need to set the boundaries. Lay down goals for your life. “I will remain a virgin until I am engaged” or “I will remain a virgin until I am married” could be the boundaries you arrive at. As a relationship becomes serious, ensure your partner knows these boundaries in no uncertain terms – up front, before a date. You can’t be shouting about your boundaries in the throes of lustful excitement. He needs to know right away how far he can go with you as his girlfriend. Remember this: you have all your life to have sex (and so does he). There is no reason to get carried away and too serious while in your teens. You can always choose to say NO. It requires strength to abstain, but it is possible. Two out of every three girls regret having had sex before the age of 20. Don’t be one of them. Date wisely.